six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
