bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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