Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My vagina just recognized that song.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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