Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
