she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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