I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
