Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
