I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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