four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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