moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
