Nicole vs. Life
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
