Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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