I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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