just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
