margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
