I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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