Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
