Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
