All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
