It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
