His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
