ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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