You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
