Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The uberlube is also flammable
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
