Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
