Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
