john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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