the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
