I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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