dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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