He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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