New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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