Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
