I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
