1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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