im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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