Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
