No, drunk sperm still make babies.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you made out with another girl for some wings
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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