Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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