she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
