Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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