i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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