the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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