ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
