She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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