You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
