She is in my trunk
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
