god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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