there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Are we still banned from the library?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
