There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My bed smells like the plague
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
