I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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