I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
