I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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