I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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